The Case for Giving Up the Search for Definitive Answers

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Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

I used to want to be certain about everything in life. I thought that as long as I had the right answer, everything would be okay.

Until my mom told me something revolutionary.

As we were arguing within the family, as we sometimes do, she told me:

“Being right doesn’t matter to me.”

Now, out of context, that’s hard to understand. Of course, we’ve all heard that we should learn to be wrong for the sake of the relationship, but she meant it a different way. She meant it in a more profound way.

She meant, that even if someone does wrong, and I know I’m right and they’re wrong, and what they’re doing is wrong, it doesn’t ultimately matter. Being morally right, even, is not important. She will set her boundaries, but she doesn’t quibble about moral rightness.

Because a person who does wrong will get their comeuppance anyway, even without her anger, even without her censure. She doesn’t have to intervene.

The trust encompassed in her phrase, the mercy, shook me.

This was when I realized that it’s true that losing to others for the sake of the relationship is worth it, every time. And if you feel resentful about it, that’s because you don’t yet fully understand that losing is worth it.

This was the moment that I understood that man has laws because he is weak. Here is the order, from least to best:

Law, Love, Mercy, Sacrifice.

And what I had thought was so weak in my mother was actually what made her a great businesswoman. It was what made her incredibly strong.

Justice holds scales, but love keeps no records.

Remember that, the next time you feel angry and resentful. The strongest thing you can do, and the best thing you can do for yourself, is to forgive.

Let God do the measuring.

An honest yet compassionate gal. Connect on www.linkedin.com/in/jennajiminlee

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